“Those after complete happiness very likely wish for complete autonomy; the ability to transport life’s inevitable shocks to some ethereal plane from which they can pick and choose whatever meanings they wish to endorse. This distant place is unreal, unseemly, scared. The happy man is the hollow man.” (Eric G. Wilson, Against Happiness)
One thing about popular culture: there’s a lot of happy. You can’t turn on a TV or go to bar or attend a church service and avoid positive energy, especially on matters of family, careers, causes, and spirituality. It’s really wonderful, but I must confess that at times, I don’t feel happy, and I don’t feel like feeling happy. At times, doubt prevails, sadness reigns, and happiness rings hollow. At times, I feel the need to escape the incessant pressure to smile.
Are you like me? If so, you will, paradoxically, find Against Happiness, by Eric G. Wilson, to be enormously uplifting. His 150-page, simply written essay decries our cultural insistence on a superficial happiness that robs us of our humanity. We must, he believes, embrace our sadness because it is in our nature to have fear and doubt and confusion in our souls. It is only by exploring our melancholy moods that we can recognize and appreciate our truly happy moments. It’s OK to be sad.
To demonstrate the connection between melancholia and joy, Wilson cites many historical examples of melancholy personalities who achieved miracles of creative and inspiring brilliance. His accounts of the careers of such figures as Keats, Beethoven, Coleridge, Melville, Virginia Woolf, and John Lennon are fascinating. Always careful not to overstate his case, Wilson notes that not all creative geniuses are melancholy, and not all melancholy personalities are creative geniuses. But his character studies are proof positive that our pain and suffering have meaning, bring us and others fulfillment, and are emphatically not things to be buried under a heap of cheap smiles.
Wilson seems to be something of a rationalist and a skeptic, holding firm to the notion that we cannot and should not be certain of anything. He sees life as a state of perpetual doubt, and one one level his book is a how-to manual for coping with this distressing condition. However, Wilson also has a sensitivity to and an appreciation of religion and faith, which serve to make his arguments accessible and reasonable to a wide audience. I do believe he makes a mistake by thinking that religion gives people a false and superficial sense of security. For some this may be true, but for others, faith raises more questions than it answers. At the same time, the confidence of a skeptic may be equally blind and equally superficial.
But I digress. Wilson’s purpose is not to make a case for any particular philosophical or spiritual system. He is simply trying to warn us that a collective attempt to stamp out sadness with mood altering medications and new age panaceas and vapid entertainment is paralyzing and dehumanizing. It is blinding us to real problems in our world that will grow to cataclysmic proportions unless we waken from our smiley face slumber and confront life as it is.
My one major criticism is a matter of style. Wilson is quite a fan of alliteration, and uses it to the point of distraction.
“But some people strain all the time to break through their mental manacles, to cleanse the portals of their perceptions, and to see the universe as an ungraspable riddle, gorgeous and gross.” (page 24)
Four or five sentences of this type in a work of this length are more than enough for me; Wilson tosses them off in batches of two or three a page when he gets rolling. Aside from that, though, I think you will find his style engaging and his command of philosophy, history, and literature impressive. He will force you to examine your soul with brutal honesty. It may not be easy, but in the end it is something we all must do – don’t you think?
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Thanks, Brad. Fascinating review.
Is Eric ‘Against Happiness’ or ‘For Wholeness’? Part of what makes a human complete is to be able to experience the full spectrum of emotions as a natural part of life’s rhythms i.e. to accept that each emotion has it’s place.
One of the problems with the ever-on, online society is that these cycles and rhythms of life so prevalent in nature, are bleached out like a nasty stain.
The expectation to always be happy makes about as much sense as the season to always be summer, humans to stay perpetually young or the harvest to be unending.
Just wanted to add to the discussion.
Best to you Brad.
Hi Brad,
It’s a while since I’ve commented here.
Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar once said that “anyone who is on all the time is on something.”
I do not, for one second, doubt the value of smiles and positive forms of energy. But we are all human and each of us carry the need to feel emotions such as stress, anger, frustration, anxiety, despair or a range of other ‘negative’ emotions at some points in our lives. It’s part of who we are, and to deny such a need is to fail to acknowledge a fundamental part of our nature.
In terms of weather, if every day was sunny and warm without any clouds, it would all get rather boring and we would soon start to take great weather for granted. Cloudy, wet, windy or stormy conditions may not always be fun at the time, but they certainly make the study of meteorology a whole lot more dynamic and interesting.
Same with emotions – smiles are wonderful and certainly have their place, but it is the experience of a whole range of emotions (both positive and negative) which allows us to grow at a much deeper level and become the dynamic individuals which each of us were no doubt made to be.
Everything we encounter has something to teach us…be it happiness, sadness, stretching our comfort boundaries or simply screaming to the heavens, why ME?
It all combines into one glorious existence. Even the pitfalls…have gold waiting for us if we give ourselves permission to explore.
Aha! Here’s something that validates my suspicion – that there’s nothing wrong when I feel morose, wears a long face and feel listless at times. It’s the human condition. What do I expect – what’s that song again – a rose garden?
Funny – you’ve met a lot of these types on the social media. The greasy salesmen of happiness, wholeness, fabulous wealth. Dude, you’ve only to sign up on a link here and you’re own your way.
Every now and then I yell at them – tweeting them loudly (is there such a thing? lols) – let my sadness be. Shine your sunny smile elsewhere. And don’t bother pushing me to have that washboard of a six-pack, mind?
Nice observation on the alliteration. It can be really cloying, isn’t it?
Interesting review Brad, thanks. I’ve never really felt driven by the pursuit of happiness – there is something about it that can make things feel forced and artificial, just like you say.
Is being whole-hearted a more possible objective in life, allowing room for those moments of sadness, confusion and melancholy?
Robin, “One of the problems with the ever-on, online society is that these cycles and rhythms of life so prevalent in nature, are bleached out like a nasty stain.” So true. That is an important theme unto itself, and you’ve expressed it well. Thank you for sharing your ideas. Your question is a good one; my interpretation is that although Wilson has what he describes as a melancholy personality, he can embrace happiness as well. Makes a good book title, though.
Jan, “The greasy salesmen of happiness, wholeness, fabulous wealth. Dude, you’ve only to sign up on a link here and you’re own your way.” You and Robin are on the same wavelength. I love the expression, “greasy salesmen of happiness.” Yet, how many of us fall for it hook, line, and sinker every time? Are we conditioned to believe that quick fixes work? Wilson says so, emphatically. So congratulations to you for speaking out against it, as I’ve seen you do many times on Writing to Exhale.
Barbara, Your ability to take positives from negative experiences must be why you are an outstanding coach. If you read the book, you will see that the great artists Wilson discusses all had the same ability. So you are in good company.
Joanna, Living “wholeheartedly” (thinking of the word in its most literal sense) brilliantly describe what strikes me as the most genuine way to live. You do seem to be just that kind of person. My question for you is: do you feel countercultural in the way you approach life? If Wilson is correct, you would feel social pressure to “be happy.”
Andrew, Great to hear from you! Have you relocated back home yet? Being a Midwesterner, I can attest to the truth of your observation about the weather. Each season definitely has its mood. Summer is generally a happy time – this book might actually be a more appropriate read in our gloomy winter.
Thanks to everybody for your thoughtful comments. I never dreamed this post would spark such a fascinating conversation.
Brad, that’s a very interesting question.
I’d say my approach to life is counter-cultural, but I don’t think the pressure to be happy is the same in the UK as it is in the US, and in Scotland even less so. We’re still quite a dour nation… to the point that some people are concerned about the effect that has on collective confidence and well-being.
In some ways I enjoy the downbeat humour and self-deprecating style – we all do, and it’s part of who we are – but it too can get in the way of being whole-hearted, of pursuing beliefs like ‘it’s possible for work not to drive you to exhaustion’, and many more…
Wondering if Jackie Cameron is around to chip in on this one too?
Joanna, The way you describe your country sounds very much the opposite of where we are here in the U.S. I wonder if the happy medium (no pun intended) is somewhere in the middle? As an outsider, I do detect some of the attitude you describe in blog posts and comments.
Let me see if I can round up Jackie – she would have a great take on this.
Hi Brad – Great review. I like these ideas and I’m pleased to know that I’m not the only person who is not happy all the time. But I read so much about joy and positivity and sometimes it all makes me feel that something is wrong with me.
But as you point out – much of all that is actually false happiness. I would rather feel the real thing from time to time – I’m sure it’s far more beneficial.
This is a fascinating post and comments thread- and thanks for inviting me in Brad.
Like Joanna I don’t feel the need to be “happy”- and much of the culture around “happiness” actually makes me feel a wee bit uncomfortable. That’s a very personal view but it might also be because I am a Scot – living in Scotland where we have a way of – I think – being suspicious of people who are happy. Now some of that can be taken too far and be obstructive but in the main it may be that we just want to be “content” – happy with our lot. Grateful perhaps?
Joanna says “We’re still quite a dour nation… to the point that some people are concerned about the effect that has on collective confidence and well-being.” and this is a current debate. I wonder if talking about raising levels of happiness actually adds another pressure?
In my humble opinion we need to feel all human emotions to be able to recognise and value when we feel great. So sometimes we need to feel disappointment – to be able to celebrate success. Or feel sadness for loss to value what we have now, at this moment. Or feel frustration to realise when things are going smoothly.
At the school I worked in a couple of years ago ( age 5-11) there was a “feelings book” where the children were encouraged to write down and explain their feelings. I remember one child had written that the felt sad because their best pal was moving to a new school. That touched me so much – because it was a normal human reaction and it was wonderful to see someone so young recognise and articulate it.
Cath, If you read the book, I hope you will discuss it on your blog – I’d love to know what you think of it. Your point about being made to feel something is wrong with you because you’re not happy is very unfortunate. But really, what’s wrong is to never feel sadness.
Jackie, You and Joanna have me wondering how Scotland developed this distrust of happiness. Climate? Heritage? I can’t imagine what it would be like to live in that sort of environment. Here, there’s so much emphasis on winning, on the “power of positive thinking”, etc. – which is not all bad. However, our focus on that leads many Americans to one day realize that “money can’t buy happiness.” Maybe your and Joanna’s outlook leads to a longer term and firmer happiness.
Wilson sets up a straw man. The definition of happiness is emotional flexibility – the swooping butterfly.
It seems to me that we have refused to study happiness and moral imagination for so long, we interpret studies in terms of the old assault embodied in the call for ‘no emotion’?
Jo, Perhaps Wilson does set up a straw man – perhaps intentialnally, as shock therapy to provoke conversations like this? I can’t speak for anyone else, but my own experience supports your theory: though I’m an avid reader and have followed hundreds of blogs for 4+ years, I can’t recall much of anything on this topic. And yet, it is so important.
Again, I wish I could master the English language more than I actually do. For me there’s a difference between being glad about something and being happy. I am glad I am alive, that I am able to see, listen, speak and feel, that I am able to walk, to work; but also that I am able to feel unhappy, lonely, not good enough, to cry, to yell at somebody, to feel helpless. For me life is both – joy and anger, happiness and sorrow.
Ulla, No problem expressing yourself in your comment! Sometimes when I feel down, I feel gladness all the more for more important things in my life. Your comment makes me think: happy is not an either-or proposition. We can be happy and sad at the same time. We don’t have to declare – we should just be.
Your review makes me want to read the book. I found your observation on alliteration interesting – too much of a good thing for you, eh? Acknowledging all aspects of our feelings makes us whole. I find experiencing the lows makes the highs that much better. I can see the point aboutt how a ‘happy pill’ can take away from true society, but will wait to comment on that until I have read the entire contents. Have dropped by at Jan Geronimo’s recommendation, find I cant go wrong when I do.
Hi TrinaMb, Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. I hope you enjoy the book, and you are wise to read it before drawing any conclusions. Also, please let me know what you think of all the alliteration: it was indeed to much of a good thing for me, but maybe that’s because I’m an irritable sort …
I love this review and what a great conversation. Happy all the time? Nah, would be like only coloring with one range of color. More satisfying to take a tumble round the full palette. ‘”Wholeheartedly” is a lovely way to put it, Joanna.
Janice, Thank you for sharing your ideas here. If you ever read the book, I would love to see you paint it.
I’ll see if the library has a copy.
Brad,
Interesting book review. I for one would agree that everyday is not meant for us to be happy. True, we love the humor of “Friends,” the insults felt by the characters on “Big Bang Theory,” and so many other comedy shows, but they too get hurt. We just laugh out those feelings and pretend that everything is fine.
Last night I was just “texting” a fellow blogger and poet about writing. We both agreed that it was easier to get inspiration from the “hurt” we experienced. Of course it was probably just us, but a lot of poems I have read online about sadness, lost, and remorse share fascinating lessons and warnings – not to avoid the pain, but to learn from it.
Z
Thanks, Doc Z, for not letting even a ray of sunshine ruin my parade. Ahehehe. Really? I said that? Sounds like a line from a D movie. Ahahaha.
Don’t worry, Z. I’m good at bathing. Thanks for the splendid advice, my fave medicine man. Don’t I get a happy pill?
Thanks too for visiting Brad and leaving a blockbuster of a comment. Appreciate it very much, Z.
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I would like to read the book too. Call me presumptuous, but I would like to give a good guess that the book is all about acknowledging the pain and hurt, dealing with it and then moving on toward happiness.
Real life consists of happiness and sadness. It is an undeniable fact that we should all accept, but wallowing in sadness has always been a state which I would rather not dwell in. I opt to see it as a challenge to get back to being happy.
Why should I be sad when I can be happy? This does not mean however, that I deny the sadness I experience every now and then. I do have my melancholic moments, who doesn’t ? But after “feeling” them, I try to glean the vital insights and proceed to be happy. As we all agree, we could never fully appreciate happiness if we have not gone through sadness. The difference is in wanting to move on. I am certain there’s nothing wrong with eschewing the past pains and moving on to being happy.
By the way, profound post Brad. I followed your link from Jan’s blog. All the best.
uh-oh, great minds think alike, and …. J/K, JG
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Will be checking it out Jan.
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Cool. Thanks, Madz.
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What a great way to spend a dour evening – send your legions of readers from one great blog to another.
I see nothing wrong with being cranky – sometimes. It’s human nature. I am too, sometimes. Probably less than most. I am an optimist.
So I guess this is the part where I say: “LJ, let’s agree to disagree…”
I am not always happy, nor I do not force people around me to be happy, but in certain situations – even when you feel sour, you pick yourself up and try your hardest to enjoy.
You might miss the moment if you don’t.
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Hey ReyJr, I feel the same way. There’s no use crying over spilt milk. Take sometime to “mourn” or wallow in your misery but don’t stay in that pit forever. Rise above the depression and dourness and take the challenge to be happy again.
Meeting that challenge will also develop your other positive traits as well. Cheers, Jan..he he he..
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Zorlone, If we’re really in touch with our feelings, I don’t think we can avoid feeling pain and suffering. If we become desensitized, we don’t escape suffering, we simply substitute one kind of pain for another. This is why people never, for example, are able to drink away their problems. So we are better off embracing our pain, but…
Jena, to your point, embracing it needn’t mean dwelling on it – I agree with you. Wilson admits that he is a melancholy personality and seems to relish exploring his suffering deeply. You are not melancholy, at least it doesn’t sound like it from your comment. Having a “natural state” of happiness is not something I think Wilson would object to, but you should read it for yourself and draw your own conclusions. Throughout this conversation I have presumed to speak for the author, which frankly I’m in no position to do, having read his book only once and know very little else about him.
To all commenters – thank you for visiting my blog and sharing your very personal and wonderful comments. This is becoming one of the best, maybe the best, conversations we’ve had here.
You’re much too kind, Rey. Thanks. Anyway, who’s gonna believe you have it in you to be cranky? Well, not me. “,)
And this is the part where I say that with me there’s no need for preambles. No need for warning shots, is all I say. Come as you are, Rey.
It’s funny. A while ago, I was at your blog leaving a comment about Teodoro something. When I got here you’ve just left a comment. I could have made my reply in almost real time but time to go home.
It’s a bit hard to comment at post like this, I know. All I ever wanted to do last night was say hi. I’m here. I’ve come at the appointed hour even with nothing to say. But I’m all right now. The heat was still unforgiving, but I’ve paced myself throughout the day. So all is good. No worries. “,)
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Late to the party and not sure what I can add to the discussion, except to say that without sorrow, happiness would not stand in such sharp relief. I think Robin nailed it up there in that first comment: “for wholeness,” not “against happiness.” There’s probably a reason that our founding fathers declared “the pursuit of happiness” as a right, but wisely did not entitle us all to a right of happiness, itself. That would be robbing us of the richness of life’s experience in our pursuit of an elusive ideal.
But am I wrong to find contentment, most of the time? Contentment in being whole, in experiencing the day-to-day ups and downs, the small triumphs and frustrations, the successes and failures – and to feel, on the whole, that life’s worth living? I don’t think so. To demand happiness of life would be to grab it by the throat, demand the unreasonable, and never find contentment at all – because if we’re honest, even if we’re happy, there’s always that possibility that we could be happier.
that’s what I don’t like about reading book reviews… you get to want to read to book!
really Brad, this really whets my appetite, and with 150-pages, sounds like an easy read for me (I easily get distracted lately)
you know, there was a time that I feared happiness, all because of a silly idea that when you’re too happy, there will be much sadness that will follow. ironically though, when I’m sad and gloomy, I don’t recall cheering myself up with the thought that “aah, after this there’ll be happiness”
strange… and quite unfair, isn’t it?
sorry about that… that should read “you get to want to read THE book!”
Holly, I think you are right on target when you object to trying to grab happiness by the throat. You really can’t force the issue: if contentment is your natural state of mind, you have a natural resilience, which is a wonderful thing. Perhaps melancholy people have less of that ability to bounce back?
Roy, I know exactly what you’re talking about – afraid of being happy. You think, I’m not going to let myself get too excited about this; I’m just setting myself up for disappointment later. It really sounds silly, but I do that at times. But what good is it to take the happiness out of being happy?
Brad, I feel I should clarify something: I can wallow in my misery just as much as the next guy, but contentment is the sum total – the bottom line. I think you’re right about resilience, but that resilience does mean to “bounce back,” not to be deliriously happy all the time. For me, it means that “melancholy” is a normal thing, and something to be experienced, even embraced, for a time – but not forever. I can be melancholy, but it’s a transitory state.
You touched on something up there (or Wilson did) – it’s often said that some of the most creative people suffered from depression or bipolar disorder. (I suspect bipolar disorder more often than depression, simply because in order to get things done, you need a burst of energy and that feeling of a “creative high” in order to want to use the energy that way, instead of, say, on sports.) I wonder if people with mood disorders (it’s a broad spectrum and probably inaccurate to label them all as “bipolar”) aren’t just more in touch with the cyclical nature of moods, and less afraid to embrace the peaks and valleys, and therefore realize the value in the valleys, not just the peaks? They also know that the ups and downs are transitory – that what comes up must fall down, but that it inevitably floats upwards again. I think people who regularly experience more “level” moods may actually FEAR the peaks and valleys, to some extent.
I haven’t yet read the book, but I think it’s important to feel what you feel – not to constantly try to change reality through a “command” to “cheer up.” That said, negative moods seem to be more contagious than positive ones, on the whole. Why that is, I don’t know. We should take care not to interfere with each others’ “wholeness” – either through forced cheerfulness or an encouragement to wallow in misery when it comes.
It’s like grief: Some people need longer than others. Let them be. It’s not as if you can “do” grief “right” or “wrong.” It is what it is – it’s a process that gets us through loss and sadness and the facing of our own mortality.
Without the entire spectrum of emotions and experiences, writers and artists and musicians can’t be whole, and we suspect others can’t be, either, but that they may be less attuned to the need for this sort of wholeness. And this is where I think writers and artists and musicians serve others – some people are more comfortable experiencing their own emotions at a distance, vicariously, through books and art and music, until it becomes clear that they are not alone – that their emotions are not unique or dangerous, and that others really can accept them as they are.
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So, you’re human after all! lols
and here I am thinking your lightsaber can deflect all those negativity that comes your way
hmm… coffee not working? there is actually an effective way to make caffeine more effective, and that is when it is shared
don’t worry buddy, it’ll pass… but if it doesn’t, I’ll come back here to tell you, “Snap out of it!”
okay, on my way to Brad Shors now, but before I do that, let me just share this…
Have you heard about the fisherman who caught plenty of jellyfishes? Yes! He did! IN SIX DIFFERENT FLAVORS!
okay, I’m off now
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@Roy: Ah the fisherman with his catch of jellyfish in six different flavors? I didn’t get that. Hehehe.
@Holly: Thanks for your suggestions. I thought of copying sentences that resonate with me most. Then I stopped because I’d just be copy-pasting your whole comment. Thanks a lot, Holly, for this and the equally thoughtful comment you left at Brad’s blog. “,)
This comment was originally posted on WritingToExhale
Hi Holly, Thanks for the clarification … Roy was just talking about that fear of peaks and valleys – something I’ll admit I’m prone to myself. As for psychological conditions, Wilson draws a definite distinction between melancholy, which can be embraced as a mood, and depression, which is a clinical condition requiring professional attention. I don’t recall whether he touched on the bipolar condition, but from my experience it has always struck me as something very extreme, an affliction.
That’s actually a bit of a misconception, Brad. Bipolar disorder CAN be extreme, but just as “mountain” can mean the sort of thing we have in the U.S., or it can mean the sort of thing you’d find in the Swiss Alps or Tibet, it’s a spectrum. With the right combination of self-awareness, therapy, adjustments to lifestyle, and medication (not necessarily all of the above, either), most bipolar sufferers can cope just fine. As one therapist I know says, “It’s a challenge. It’s a medical condition. It’s not a license to behave badly.”
Brad, this book sounds like a very interesting read. I sometimes make the distinction between happiness and joy. I view happiness as an emotion, a temporary state and joy as something deeper that exists even in times of sadness or challenge. Wilson’s point about our culture is well taken. There seems to be a pervasive desire to minimize many aspects of our humanity – sadness, aging, pain. To experience the gamut of human emotions and experience is not negative as some would argue but offers a richer, more meaningful life experience.
Naks! well coffee is the answer… jijijijiji
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Karen, Yes, there is a distinction between happiness and joy – however you want to phrase it. You can be having a ghastly day and still be happy to be alive. The old adage, “count your blessings” is literally a wonderful thing to do. Otherwise we get caught up in transitory joy or sadness and lose sight of what is important.
I really like the way this conversation has gone. Holly’s comment about contentment resonated with me. Would I be happier if ever member of my family were in perfect health? Of course. Can I do anything about their current state? No. So I am content with the situation as it is and make the most of it. I often coach people who think another job will make them happier – but they don’t know if it will unless they try it out. No guarantees. It might not .
As I write this I remembered when I was challenged by someone about contentment being lazy…just going with the flow, like it was some sort of compromise. That’s not how I see it. Being aware, and grateful for what is good in my life ( which includes giving myself the satisfaction of knowing what part I played in that !) and recognising and dealing with what is not so good but can’t be changed works for me.
Jackie, I think people who mistake contentment for laziness assume that being satisified with the status quo means being unwilling to change it. I can be satisfied with how things are, and still work to make them better or different. I don’t have to live in a constant state of dissatisfaction and friction to strive for more, or to see room for improvement and want to make progress in that direction. If friction motivates, great. But if curiosity and a desire to see how far you can go in life motivates, that’s great, too. Laziness, to me, is not contentment – but a lack of will or energy to change anything or do anything about the status quo. You can be miserable and be lazy. You could be contented and lazy, too, but in that case – so what? If you’ve already reached Nirvana (or whatever you choose to call your “happy place”) and see no need to change anything, is that a BAD thing? Only if you’re someone else having a fit of sour grapes that you’re not THERE yet, I think.
Holly and Jackie, really loved your comments and reading them completely resonated with me. I recently read Be The Hero by Noah Blumenthal and the attitude and language you both used reminds me so much of the teachings in this book. It is a truly wonderful book, I highly recommend it (and Noah is not my client).
do coffee serves here free?
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Of course, my friend. Napasyal ka? Ahahahaha. Kidding! Dala mo na ba ang
pang giveaway mong macbook?
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It surely is – especially when someone who’s giving you a hard time passes
by. Of course, you’d check first if the coffee is still very hurt.
Otherwise the ploy is not effective. lols
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