I believe you’re right about emoticons and italics. I think that, when we feel there’s a negative underlying message, we sometimes even ignore emoticons entirely, noticing only later that they were even there. On the other hand, as you’ve said, in many cases it’s just as easy (when we do notice the emoticons at all) to imagine that we detect a note of sarcasm in the message as a result of them.

As far as italics go, there are times when they work and times when they don’t–and its our job as writers to know the difference and use them responsibly. I’d say that the best way to use italics is for accentuating innocuous, or at least non-emotional-trigger words that we would stress if we were to read the sentence aloud–particularly when they add to the clarity of our message.

But, I believe we often ask for trouble when we italicize words that trigger strong emotions in our readers–unless they happen to be positive emotional-trigger words–though even then, if we’re not careful, we can come across as insincere.

I tend to use italics fairly often in my writing, but I’d like to work on becoming a little more sensitive to their subtle–and not-so-subtle–nuances and always use them in ways that add positive rather than negative impact to my words.

Italics and emoticons have their place. But, as writers, it’s our responsibility to get our intended message across through the means that are appropriate to the situation.

Jeanne

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I’ve found, at times, when I’ve gotten onto my high horse about a topic in an e-mail, becoming very moralistic about it–even if I didn’t do it in anger–it’s had the same alienating effect as an angry e-mail would.

One thing I think we need to remember about e-mail is that, emoticons notwithstanding, it’s very easy for the recipient to misunderstand the spirit in which we are writing, since it’s all too easy to misinterpret moods, motives, intentions, etc., when we don’t have the benefit of vocal tone, eye contact, and other forms of body language to put our remarks into context, as we do when speaking in person. Even when talking on the phone, we at least have the benefit of vocal inflection, pauses, and such to give us a clue. And it’s doubly difficult for people who don’t even know us to form an accurate impression of exactly where we’re coming from if we aren’t careful.

I’ve learned the hard way just how gauche–and downright rude–it can seem to use a lot of italicized words in any type of moralistic message (or perhaps I should say diatribe), even though under normal circumstances italics serve as a perfectly acceptable way of emphasizing and adding color to our writing. In this type of message, each italicized word practically jumps off the page, creating a very “in your face” effect. On rereading one such e-mail that I’d written (and worse still, sent), I had to wince every time I came upon an italicized word–regretfully one of many such words which had been far too liberally sprinkled throughout!

Since then, I always reread and reassess such e-mails, deciding whether or not I can tone them down and make them less offensive –or, ideally, totally inoffensive (which can sometimes be done by simply removing italics). If not, I seriously consider the repercussions of sending them and, more often than not, end up hitting “Delete.” (To really purge my conscience, I’ll even empty the Trash.)

As you’ve said, after I’ve gotten it off my chest by writing the e-mail in the first place and then gotten rid of the evidence, I usually feel much better! In some cases, I start over, writing a new message (with greater restraint). In others, I decide to skip the whole idea entirely and give the person a break!

Thanks for this wonderful advice!
Jeanne

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My mother is not good at discussing issues she wants to avoid, which annoys me. So I wrote to her about those issues instead and she is still not speaking to me. It is probably my own fault. I printed out the letter – then I realised it might sound a bit harsh. So I edited it. But the printer was out of ink, so I just sent the original copy.

As you say – sometimes writing without sending is often a better idea.

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Michele, Thank you for stopping by Word Sell and commenting! Your comment and Ulla’s just made me think of another benefit of writing these unsent words … the practice helps you rehearse what you might have to say in a phone conversation or face to face. That’s bound to make the personal encounter as uplifting as possible.

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